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Dienstag, 22. November 2022

Gaslands Death Race 2022

GASLANDS again! This is Irene Wischer for GRNL:

Is there life on Mars? The drivers are about to find out. The winner of today’s race is promised to get a seat on the next flight to the red planet. We have two teams in the pit. One is a rag-tag bunch of no-names from somewhere in the northern wastelands, but the other team is even having a sponsor – Ram Rodder, a former driver himself whose fame has a bit faded over the years, so that not many remember him nowadays. However he built up a little enterprise over the recent years, delivering cheap equipment made from scrap to upgrade racing cars of poorer teams. I was able to talk to him before the race when I met him and his current favorite entering the racecourse on a bumper-car colored motorcycle.”

This is Irene Wischer right before the race. Now let me introduce the team of of RAM RODDER’S NITRO BOOSTERS:

The first one is MISTER BLISTER, a rather nice fastback equipped with two heavy machine guns – one facing forward and one to the rear:

The next one is ROCKET RACOON, another black fastback with a souped up V-8, equally armed as his flat black team mate:

Finally there is a blue top chop low rider called DIRTY DEED, whose armament is a forward facing machine gun.

Now it’s time for me to move down towards where the action is going on.”

It’s Irene Wischer right from the starting gate down on the racetrack. Ram Rodder’s Nitro Boosters’ supported MISTER BLISTER made it to the pole position and the race is announced to commence within a few seconds. Time for me to clear the track! Stay tuned for my report…”

Irene Wischer for GRNL – Gaslands Racing News Live: I am honored to sing the Gaslands racing hymn in German today, particularly demanded by the audience in dedication to the Rabbit driver from the north, BLUE GERMAN. The Song is called RADKREUZLOS DURCH DIE NACHT. Listen and sing along all you maniacs out there!“

Irene Wischer right from the top of the starting gate: The engines have been started and the green flag is woven. MISTER BLISTER hits the gas and bursts out in frenzy. The car slides sideways to block the way for the oncoming field.

BLACK MAMBA crashes in BLISTER’s side causing major damage within the wink of an eye after the start! I estimate a hull damage of 40% on MISTER BLISTER, but only 10% an BLACK MAMBA. The plough on the front seems to have been a good investment.”

This is GRNL live for you, I am Irene Wischer. It seems that BLACK MAMBA got a bit out of control after the intentional hit on MISTER BLISTER. High speed and a tight curve is something that doesn’t always go too well together. MAMBA hits a wreck from a previous race by the roadside.”

The field is approaching gate 1, which is obviously numbered wrongly with number 2. The first car which will pass it, is allowed to activate its weapons and will even receive an audience vote. Let’s see who will make it!”

ROCKET RACOON is closest to the threshold and will likely pass gate 1 first. There is a bit of a bumping in the rear of the field, where RED DUNE is pushing DIRTY DEED to crash into MISTER BLISTER.”

And it is ROCKET RACOON followed by MISTER BLISTER, mainly team Ram Rodder’s Nitro Boosters, closely followd by the BLUE GERMAN. But what is this? BLACK MAMBA crashes into a pillar and is getting wrecked completely just before passing the first gate! One down, five still on the run – this is Irene Wischer for you, reporting from the Gaslands.”

„Irene Wischer reporting for you that ROCKET RACOON is just hitting a wall while BLUE GERMAN is spinning around right behind. DIRTY DEED also looses control and turns in the wrong direction instead of passing gate 1. Dear dedicated followers, you are witnessing the peak of a turmoil: It's pure carnage and mayhem that is going on down there! MISTER BLISTER seems to be the only one to escape the brawl, even with a 90% destroyed vehicle.”

We see ROCKET RACOON being finally destroyed by salvoes of bullets fron RED DUNE who backs up right now for a really surprising move. Will he really cross gate 1 again, but in the wrong direction? And why will he try this?”

„This is GRNL with a drone view from above. Spot MISTER BLISTER who has already passed gate 2 and is leading from a distance meanwhile. DIRTY DEED is ready to take on gate 1, BLUE GERMAN heads for gate 2 and buggy RED DUNE's surprising move aims obviously at an interception of DIRTY DEED.

Here is proof that RED DUNE's attempt is rewarded by DIRTY DEED's final breakdown - game over for the top chop. ROCKET RACOON is down as well, so it's only three contestants still on track.”

Irene Wischer here: MISTER BLISTER is just jumping the ramp behind me, heavily applauded by the spectators. BLISTER could have passed the ramp safely, but does it for the show. I wonder where BLUE GERMAN is now. Last time I saw him he was second to MISTER BLISTER.”

There is MISTER BLISTER heading for the finishing gate, but what is that? It's not BLUE GERMAN behind him. It is RED DUNE who has turned around using the racetrack as his playground instead of following the right direction to the next gate. He really is coming back to stop MISTER BLISTER! Ist that real? Can that be? Irene Wischer keeping you updated!”

The crew of RED DUNE is pulling the guns out and perforate the tyres of MISTER BLISTER, inflicting the final 10% of damage that causes the inevitable breakdown of the meant to be winner on the treshold of the finishing line.”

This is Irene Wischer lost for words...”

Ladies and gentlemen, the race is over. There is no winner, but only loosers this time. Life on Mars has yet to be tested, no seats are granted for any driver. MISTER BLISTER was close to it, but RED DUNE hasn't finished the race too and there is no trace of BLUE GERMAN.”

This was Irene Wischer reporting live for Gaslands Racing News Live from New Vegas...”